Thursday, September 6, 2007
Copyright 2006 Lynne Taetzsch
When you're a primary caregiver responsible for the well-being of your father, mother or another loved one, it's easy to become obsessed with the details. You want to make sure your Dad isn't eating rotten food, so you smell everything in his refrigerator. You note that your Mom's hair is oily and stringy, so you insist she let you wash it. "And take off that blouse you've been wearing all week and put on a clean one," you add.
I'm not sure if it's a trait of all caregivers, but I was some kind of control freak when I was responsible for my Dad's care when he lived in an assisted-living facility nearby. I kept a sharp eye out for his special needs—like making sure there were facial tissues and toilet paper in the bathroom. With his severe short-term memory loss, he certainly wouldn't remember to restock those items, and I didn't want him reaching for a hand towel to wipe with—or worse yet, not wipe at all!
So perhaps the controlling started with the best of intentions to make things better for Dad, but I think it escalated to excess. Not only was I obsessed with perfection, but I expected everyone else in the family to take care of Dad exactly the way I would. When my husband and I went away for a month, leaving two of my brothers in charge, I sent them a three-page letter of detailed instructions they were to follow.
Yet, what Dad really loved about visits from his sons was playing with them—going to a bar for a beer, playing shuffleboard, pool or cards. That's what meant something to Dad when his sons visited, not the fact that they made sure his laundry was done. Dad loved to play cards with me, too, and sometimes I'm afraid I was so obsessed with the housekeeping that I neglected his simple need for my companionship.
I was so good at managing Dad's life that I sometimes overstepped and did things for Dad that he could have done for himself. One time my sister sent him a tin of cookies wrapped tightly in tape, and as I saw Dad struggle to get it off, I was about to grab the tin out of his hands—something my husband complains I often do to him. Fortunately, I held back that time, and Dad had the satisfaction of opening it himself. It may take longer for our loved ones to do things for themselves, but whenever possible, we should let them.
The times that I remember best now that Dad has passed away are not the hours I spent taking him to doctors or dealing with housekeeping issues. The times I remember best are the ones that made Dad happy in a special way, the days we shared doing fun things.
One day we took a walk in Treman Park along one of Ithaca's famous gorges. Dad was so impressed with the views of nature, as well as the views of young girls walking by in shorts. After that we had lunch at Friendlies with his granddaughter and great grandchildren. Later, as I walked Dad to his room he said, "You're a wonderful young lady to have as a daughter."
Now, I'm not saying that housekeeping, grooming, and doctor's visits aren't important. Of course I helped the quality of Dad's life by paying attention to these details. As a primary caregiver, you have to pay attention to those things, and I guess that's what contributes to our becoming control freaks.
But it's also important to relax and let go at times. If you are tense, in a hurry, always focused on managing your loved ones' lives, you will miss out on the opportunity to share more meaningful experiences with them. You don't know how many of those opportunities you'll have, and you won't want to look back and regret missing them. So stop. Sit down. Have a cup of tea and just be together.
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Lynne Taetzsch is an artist and writer who became the primary caregiver for her father when he was 93 years old and had severe short-term memory loss. She is the author of The Bipolar Dementia Art Chronicles, a memoir about her experience which is available at Amazon.com. She also writes a blog on Caregiving, Aging and Alzheimer's at
http://artbylt.blogs.com/caregiving/
Controversial Aspects of Pro Anorexia
Pro anorexia is a controversial matter, referring to the pro-active character of anorexics' lifestyles. There are lots of pro anorexia web sites throughout the Internet that provide feedback to people with anorexia. These web sites offer tips, advice and support to persons who are dealing with eating disorders.
Pro anorexia (pro-ana) web sites claim that their aim is not to encourage and support anorexia, but to prevent and eliminate its undesirable effects. However, despite these affirmations, pro anorexia web sites primarily focus on helping people with anorexia to better deal with their condition, instead of revealing the dangerous aspects of having such an eating disorder.
Through the means of pro anorexia web sites, persons with anorexia are integrated into an online community; they mainly receive tips on how to take care of themselves and they are not encouraged to ask for professional help. Pro anorexia web sites challenge people with anorexia to accept their condition, regarding to anorexics as rebels fighting against conventional, old-fashioned ideals and values.
Pro anorexia web sites usually implement the idea of superiority among the community of people with anorexia, referring to anorexics as people with a strong will that take action in order to achieve their goals. Their behavior is appreciated and considered to be an act of courage.
The ideals promoted by pro anorexia web sites are drastically contradicted and admonished by medical professionals. In their opinion, people who suffer from eating disorders like anorexia actually engage in acts of self-destruction. The truth is that anorexia is a very serious mental illness that may actually lead to death by starvation. Physicians and psychiatrists strongly recommend persons with anorexia to accept and follow an appropriate treatment. Medical professionals are disturbed by the slogans promoted by pro anorexia web sites and try to inform people with such eating disorders about the risks they expose themselves to.
It is very important to understand that anorexia is an illness, not a lifestyle! A real act of courage is to ask for help, not to try to deal with anorexia on your own. It is also vital to quickly take action in overcoming such eating disorders, in order to prevent further damage and health problems. Anorexia, bulimia and other eating disorders can be treated; however, a lot of ambition is involved in the process of overcoming the illness. People with anorexia usually deny having a problem and they isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Pro anorexia web sites try to make these people feel appeased and to integrate them within a community where they are understood and appreciated. Despite all that, these web sites never encourage anorexics to take steps in curing their condition. They concentrate on providing them with recipes and diets instead, therefore contributing to their destruction.
People with anorexia should accept professional help and try to perceive their condition from an objective point of view. They should understand there are better things in life than continuously counting calories and worrying about gaining weight.
If want to know more about the controversy on pro anorexia and other anorexia useful information fallow this links.
Dangers of Eating Disorders - Anorexia Nervosa
Many people are suffering from eating disorders these days. The most common eating disorders are Anorexia Nervosa (anorexia) and Bulimia Nervosa (bulimia). Both are very dangerous eating disorders that may even cause death. Eating disorders usually occur on the background of emotional instability, confusion, loneliness, depression and low-self esteem.
Anorexia Nervosa is characterized by unusual behaviors related to food consumption, the refuse of keeping a body weight appropriate to one's physical build, age and sex, the development of obsessions regarding food and weight and a false perception of one's body image. People with Anorexia Nervosa are always preoccupied with their physical appearance, carefully weighing their meals and counting the calories they consume. Although people with Anorexia Nervosa sustain constant efforts to lose weight by following drastic diets and exercising excessively, they are never pleased with their accomplishments, always aiming to lose even more weight. Persons with Anorexia Nervosa, despite being underweight, may actually see themselves as fat.
There are two kinds of Anorexia Nervosa: the restrictive and the compulsive kind. People who suffer from Restrictive Anorexia Nervosa usually have a very low body weight. They indulge in acts of self-starvation and also tend to burn the little food they eat through physical exercise, in order to lose weight. Compulsive Anorexia Nervosa, also referred to as Binge and Purge Anorexia, resembles the symptoms of Bulimia Nervosa. Bulimia is characterized by the consumption of large amounts of food and then getting rid of it by purging it from the system. Just like in the case of Bulimia Nervosa, Compulsive Anorexia Nervosa implies and alternation in eating habits, people suffering from it fluctuating between periods of scarce eating or abstinence from food and periods of binge-eating and purging.
The persons with this kind of Anorexia Nervosa purge the food out of their bodies by vomiting or by taking laxatives and diuretics. They also tire themselves through long, sustained physical exercise in order to lose weight. Unlike people with Restrictive Anorexia Nervosa, the ones confronted with the second type of disorder aren't always underweight. People with Binge and Purge Anorexia experience a lot of changes in their body weight. They resemble bulimics in physical appearance and behavior.
Actually, Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa have a lot of things in common and in fact, people who suffer from Anorexia Nervosa may later become bulimics.
Anorexia Nervosa, just like other eating disorders causes a lot of harm to people affected by it. A very disturbing fact is that young people, especially adolescents are the most exposed to the development of eating disorders. Both sexes are susceptible to the threat of Anorexia Nervosa, but particularly girls and young women develop forms of Anorexia Nervosa, due to their constant preoccupation with looks.
The causes of eating disorders haven't yet been determined. It is considered that Anorexia Nervosa is purely a mental condition. However, studies sustain that there are also physical factors involved in the development of the illness. Also, a disturbing fact reveals the hereditary character of eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa.
Looking for information on anorexia nervosa and other anorexia tips? Visit one of the best anorexia related sites.
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